So this baby just mustered up ever little bit of courage she could find, put her camo leggings on and sat down to write, to say it just like it is.

Because the truth is, Christmas isn't my favorite time of year.  Infact it hurts, a lot. Especially when this life of mine just keeps on turning out not exactly how I had envisioned.

And if that's you... If the only thing you really love about Christmas is candy cane lattes, then come hangout with me...you'll be in good company.  I might even make you one!  You won't be judged here,  and I'm not gonna question your love of Jesus, just because you don't love Christmas.

But I'm gonna write my way through advent, as a way of healing, a way of inviting Christ to live a little louder here.  I'm not sure what it's gonna look like, and I'm gonna aim for everyday, but ever since my little breakdown, this girl can't seem to get her ducks in a row, or keep to a schedule, and I'm coming to peace with that, even though it kills me.  a little.  But I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try.

Because the beautiful thing is, that for those of us hurting, advent is healing.  Because advent is about waiting, about growing, about mystery, about unknowns, about paradoxes, and about not getting the expected.

So today, on this cold clear day, I open my hands and I open my heart as a posture of invitation for wonder, for the wonder of the mystery of Christ.  For the wonder of the Holy made human. For the mystery of a love that I cannot know the depths.  For realities I have no concept of.

I open my hands.
I open my heart

I let you hover over my darkness. Over my deep.
I embrace the mystery.
I embrace the unknown.
Steep in me Holy One till I'm infused with your essence.